Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
