Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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