I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
