Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
