I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
