i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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