i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize