M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
