It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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