the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize