she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
