My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
