dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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