Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
