yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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