We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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