I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
