I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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