i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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