Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
