and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
