Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
