The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
