Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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