She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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