What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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