thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
