I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
