My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
