just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
