Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
