I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
