Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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