Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
