why do cheetos always look like penises
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
