I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
