i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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