best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
