Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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