see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
