I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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