My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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