I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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