so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Dignity is for republicans.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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