my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
