This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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