If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
