you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
