Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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