I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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