He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
