covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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