dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
