i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
