I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
