I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
