Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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