The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
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