I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
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