wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
