I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize