Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
