I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
