Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
