just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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