We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
