we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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