Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
