Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
