My nipple is on Facebook.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
