is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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