i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
