Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
