Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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