im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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