anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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