my mouth tastes like poor choices
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
