I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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