If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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