I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
