I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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