Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
