Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
