FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bring me that man meat
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
