But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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