he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
