If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
