i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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